 |
Yo. I'm Vin Diesel, and I'm fucking cut.
My
movies don't really need plots, because all the women in the
audience and half of the men are too busy wishing for me to take them
violently from behind. And everyone else just likes the pretty colours.
|
 |
I'm possibly addicted to heroin. |
|
So we're half an hour into this movie and it's
still completely ambiguous as to whether we're in the future, or the
past, or whether there's been some kind of apocalypse or global warming
or even what country we're in because the writers have catastrophically
failed to set up the story for the audience. |
 |
Hey Vin. Smuggle this coke whore across the
border for unspecified reasons. |
|
Okiedokie. |
 |
Also take me with you. My role in this film is
never really clear but I'm a total pacifist except when I'm displaying
myt kung-fu mastery because I'm Asian.
|
|
Just remember. I'm a cold-hearted sociopath who
is only in this for the money. I'll kill you both without hesitation,
should you become even the slightest burden to me. But later I will
reveal that I actually have a heart of gold. Basically, this
is Riddick 3. |
 |
I'm the villain in this film, I think, maybe. |
 |
|
I might be psychic, or something. It's not really
clarified. |
| |
(abrupt ending) |
