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Yo! I'm the last human being alive on
Earth! Everybody else in the world has been turned into
ridiculous-looking CGI zombies. It turns out that scientists didn't pay
enough attention to the alarmism surrounding genetic science. Had they
watched enough movies, they would have realised that the result of
genetic engineering is always zombies. |
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Yo! I'm the last dog alive on Earth! Also, I'm
Will Smith's only source of companionship, which makes it painfully
obvious that I'm going to die pretty soon. Damn it. |
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By astounding coincidence, the only human out of
six billion who is both immune to the zombie virus and hardcore enough
to survive the zombie hoardes is also the world's foremost molecular
biologist, the only man who can find a cure to the zombie disease,
which I am working on in the high-tech lab in my basement. |
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Hey, here's a question: How is it that all your
lights and appliances are still working, when there are no humans alive
to work the power plants? |
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Why don't you shut the fuck up. You're a dog. |
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Raargh! |
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Holy shit! The zombies, formerly believed to be
mindless, shambling animals, just used a clever, complicated trap to
capture me and kill my dog! Despite this astounding revelation that
completely changes this entire situation, I'm never going to mention it
again. Instead I'm just going to brood a lot. |
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Now I'm going to try to fuck a mannequin. |
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Heeey! Turns out you're not the last human after
all! You've been wandering Manhattan for three years but you've never
seen me before now! Come with me to find more people. |
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Okay, I'm just going to totally emo out right now
and insist that there is nobody left alive. Despite the fact that I now
know you also survived, I really promise you that we are the only
survivors. Oh, and also your son. |
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Oh no, I'm quite sure about this. Sure enough to
risk all of our lives. |
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How can you possibly know that? |
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(shrug) |
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Well, all right. |
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Yaaargh! |
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Oh shit! The superintelligent zombies who have
been living in my neighbourhood for three years have finally noticed
that there is one house in New York that has all the lights on every
night! And they're getting in because, despite my high-tech defenses, I
left a fucking window open! |
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Luckily, I have just this moment discovered the
cure for zombies! Now I will sacrifice myself sort of needlessly. |
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Don't worry! I promise I will bring the cure for
zombies to the world! And then... you will be... legend! |
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God damn it!! They're fucking vampires,
you
idiot!! |
