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Okay, try to keep up. I'm a
genetically-engineered supersoldier with incredible telekinetic and
martial arts powers and no tits. My DNA also happens to be the only
cure to zombification, which is great because it just so happens that
the entire world is zombies now. |
 |
Hey, I'm a chief scientist in an evil
multinational science corporation. We created the zombies because
science. Now that the world is zombies, we need your DNA to undo
everything. Also, science. |
|
No way, dude! I'm not gonna sacrifice my own life
to save billions! I'd rather decapitate hundreds of zombies with my
extraordinary melee combat skills. |
|
That's fine. I'll just keep racing against the
clock to find a cure some other way. In the meantime I'll
counter-productively and randomly murder lots of my own researchers
even though they are in desperately limited supply. |
 |
Hey, I look like a porn star, but really I'm a
battle-hardened veteran leader of a zombie survivor group. |
 |
And I'm the team's wisecracking token black
stereotype. Join us! |
|
Sure, no prob- OH SHIT ZOMBIE BIRDS |
 |
|
| |
(deus ex machina) |
 |
|
|
Awesome! |
|
I'm going to hunt Alice down using our advanced
sattellite technology that still inexplicably works despite a world
population of approximately five humans. |
|
Oh no! I got bitten by a zombie! Despite the fact
that the world has been taken over by zombies, I'm still completely
oblivious to the ramifications of this. Just to be safe, I better not
tell anybody. |
|
Hey, token black guy! You look sick! |
 |
|
|
FUCK! Alice, do something! |
|
I can only look on in abject horror! |
|
But you're super telekinetic! You can just make
the zombies' heads explode with the power of your mind! Like you have
on multiple prior occasions! |
|
But that would eradicate the need for the
filmmakers to violently and graphically slaughter dozens of innocent
people in loving detail in a zombie brain-eating montage! All modern
zombie films must do this to imply that mankind is the
greatest evil of all. |
|
Oh. Makes sense. EEEE! |
 |
|
|
Everyone's dead now, you bastard! |
|
And now I will kill you in order to carry out my
evil plan to rid the world of zombies! |
|
Over my dead body! |
 |
(poorly-explained super-mutation) |
|
Oh no! My powers are useless against an old man
who has been chemically mutated to the point where he can barely even
function! |
| |
(deus ex machina) |
 |
|
|
Hurrah! |
 |
Oh yeah! Movies based on video games are
consistantly AWESOME! |
